i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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