Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Randomize
