weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Drake has all the answers
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
Randomize
