We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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