The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Will exercising make me less horny?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
