I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Just used my front-facing camera to check my pupils. Technology!
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
