My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
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