is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
I'm jealous of your bromance
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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