How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
Randomize
