Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
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