bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Randomize
