I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I want to make a zoo with you.
Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
