I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
