Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
