Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
stop calling me dude. finger blasting me officially kills you being able to call me dude.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
