She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
