arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize