when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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