Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
