I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
