last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
i think we sleep fucked last night...
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
