I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
