I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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