Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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