I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Hello my rib-scented angel!
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
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