people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
Randomize
