lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
