I didn't shave. On purpose
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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