Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
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