Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Randomize