I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
