I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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