Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I want to create a human. Discussion later.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
