and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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