i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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