Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
That's how pantless uber rides happen
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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