saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Randomize