You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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