she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
