dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
