well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
I FOUND THE LEGS
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
