Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Randomize
