Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
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