My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
you inspire me to be a worse person
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Randomize
