Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
