omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Randomize
