Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
