Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
