Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
