Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Randomize
