I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Randomize
