I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
spending the week with her family was quite possibly the longest ive ever gone without having a boner
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
