all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
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