just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
