Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
this will be a night to untag.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
