you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
