he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
