Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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