Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
