my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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