Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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