Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
