It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
