Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Randomize
