ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
