Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
