From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Randomize
