She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
Randomize
