I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
