what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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