Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
