yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
