Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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