are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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