Pussy?
how
Wat do u mean how?
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
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