grandma shit on top of the toilet
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
I think my vagina has grown over, not unlike earring holes when not used in a long amount of time.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Randomize
