so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I just took a plan B pill with my preworkout. That's the level I'm on today.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
