One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Randomize