Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
I sexted him with a GIF from titanic and it worked....
My dad is sitting where you rode me
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
