i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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