then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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