im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
