you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
Randomize
