i'm sending her a home depot gift card for the hole i put in her wall. call it good?
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
