you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
