Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
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