The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
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