i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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