i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
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