it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
he was CRYING into my vagina
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
