i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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