I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
