Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Randomize
