life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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