my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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