He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Randomize
