Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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