the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
