I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
did i walk over a car last night?
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
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