Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
Farmville is her only friend.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Randomize
