It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
