i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
