So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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