Can i not drive my cunt home
Dude ... paraplegic porn is really creative..
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Randomize
