and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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