you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
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