Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
God I need to hump something, right now.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
