I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
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