I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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