I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Randomize
