Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
There are two guys's cum on my sheets. Be a man and be the third.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
